Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
