ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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