I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
