my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
