evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize