So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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