what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
