i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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