My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
