my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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