ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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