We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
