We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
