It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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