dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Are we in a gay sports bar?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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