if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
