oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
