I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
