fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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