i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
