I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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