Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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