True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
