we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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