Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
