I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
