Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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