My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
