nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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