if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Bring me that man meat
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize