Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
