need another drink. this is the easiest way
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
