If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
