I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize