i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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