Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
