I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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