I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
