She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
