I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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