Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
