I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
