I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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