Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
