this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
