I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
