So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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