need another drink. this is the easiest way
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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