Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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