I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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