My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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