he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
