cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
