I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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