The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
