i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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