I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
