is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
