Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
