So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
