Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
