the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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