how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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