david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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