She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
