dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
