my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
