Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
