The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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