The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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