I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize