I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
