I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize