yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
