I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
