i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
