He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
