Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize