Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
