im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
