i think my tv is drunk
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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