just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
