you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
