Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize