I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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