ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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