I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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